February 26, 2007

Night time insecurity

As an awake and aware, though tired, adult going about my day with my girls, I'm totally confident that the baby will eventually learn to sleep for long spans at night, that her fussiness between 1-5 a.m. is normal newborn reality and that this, too, shall pass.

So why is it that at 2:30 a.m., I'm totally reduced to tears because I can't get her to sleep? Why am I utterly convinced, in the dark of the night, that her wakefulness is somehow the result of something that I've done, some step I've missed, some way that I've failed and that if it wasn't for me, she'd be sleeping peacefully, "like a baby"?

I think the darkness can illuminate more about ourselves than the light of day.

1 comment:

Maida said...

I believe that darkness exaggerates and distorts.

The grown up version of monsters in the closet. Insecurities in the brain.

Sometimes I go to bed feeling like a failure as a mom, as a wife, as a person, devastated beyond belief. Then, the next morning, I wake up, and things are totally in perspective.

Silvia is a mere 3 weeks old. Give yourselves some time to find your peace with each other. You are a wonderful mama, with two beautiful daughters.