April 29, 2008

awake

The down side of a nightly sleeping pill is that, well, I SLEEP. Deeply.

I know that doesn't seem like much of a downside, but I'm finding that I wake up earlier and earlier every day. I think my poor mommy-trained brain just doesn't know what to do with a full 8 hours of sleep anymore, so it kicks me back to consciousness as soon as it can. Without the pill, I toss and turn all night, mind racing and muscles aching. With it, I woke up this morning, and the past several mornings, at 4 A.M. Today, I lay there for about half an hour, then had to get up out of sheer boredom.

There are lots of upsides to waking up early; bright sides, if you will (ha!). I can catch up on my recorded shows without any interruptions, same with email and (apparently) blogging. The silence of the house is glorious. All I can hear right now, aside from my own typing, is one little bird singing just outside the window. The sun is rising and painting every house in the neighborhood a soft pink of new light.

But there are downsides, too, like knowing without a doubt, come 9 A.M. I am going to go crash, bang, boom with tiredness. It'll start with a yawn and gently progress into a delicate concerto of blinking and drooping eyes. By 10 A.M., though, that proverbial piano will come crashing down on my head with blunt force exhaustion like some Roadrunner cartoon of days past.

I am fortunate, so fortunate. My children are both, for the time being, in morning daycare. My husband is home for the week and generous with his compassion. I can go lay down, supposedly without responsibility.

But I hate to do it. I feel like I've been laying down a hell of a lot lately and I don't want to waste any more daylight hours, child-free hours full of opportunities, laying down. So I'll probably push through, have some more coffee, read my books, write my essays, think my thoughts and heck, maybe even do some chores.

But by 8 P.M.? I'll be too tired to go on. I'll take my nightly medications, brush my teeth and fall into a deep, assisted, sleep. After which, of course, it'll all start again.

Anyone want to meet for coffee at 4:30 tomorrow morning?

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