October 02, 2009

knick-knacks

So I've been deep in thought. Or at least, deep in procrastination. I've had some conundrums in my head, some what-if's and certainly more than some splurges of personally indulgent self-doubt.

Conundrums. How to re-define friendships as they shift with the times? It's tricky and sometimes fairly uncomfortable. Especially if, here's the sticky spot, the other person doesn't know the winds have changed? Hmm. It's a part of the mommy-land that doesn't show up on the map often. I started out a stay-at-home mom and found my footing around other stay-at-home mom's. Our babies played together, we drank coffee and cried and commiserated and laughed at the absurdity of it. Then... the kids get older. Interests and schedules change, priorities shift, school lurks on the horizon. The mommy part of it all drifts apart, leaving the realization that perhaps that connection WAS the friendship in the first place. The kids grow up and make new friends and then... I do, too?

What-if's. Changes in career, life, expectations-- without seeming to, it can all snowball into bigger questions than were originally asked. For instance, I've decided to take Anna out of 3-day a week preschool. She and Silvia will go 2 mornings a week from now on. This decision did NOT come easily. Partly, saving moolah is an issue. But that issue leads to the question, "Is saving that chunk of cash worth the change?". And then THAT question leads to, "Does that 4 hours of preschool benefit Anna any more than an extra 4 hours with me?". Which turns into, "What is it that I do in those hours that necessitates her absence? Silvia's with me on those days anyway, so it's not like I'm all wild in my freedom.".

On and on it goes. The key is to know where to stop it and that's where I am. For now, the girls will have two mornings a week of preschool and 3 mornings a week with me. If they drive me bonkers, I can always go to the gym. If I need a day off, I have family in the area who can spot me some childcare from time to time. Overall, I feel, while it doesn't save a whole lot of money, spending that money doesn't really save us anything either.

I'm re-thinking the atmosphere and flow of our lives, what's important, what needs to go, what we can add in. They say you should take down, dust and move around the ephemera in your house at least once a year to freshen things up and provide a new perspective.

My ephemera is dusted and ready to move. I just need to figure out exactly where to put it.

2 comments:

Lisa said...

Oooo I like the word "ephemera." Just remember where you put it after you move it. Lately I have to leave notes and maps for myself when things are moved/changed. Sigh. Ephemera. :)

Alison said...

Having our house for sale forced the knick knack moving you're talking about. Too bad it didn't force actual MOVING.

But more to your point, I agree navigating the two part friendship of yourself and your child is complicated. It sure was easier in say, the college days, when friendship was about drinking buddies!