January 21, 2010

Groundhog Day

Is this really all there is for me? Laundry and dinner and groceries and kid crafts and bathrooms and laundry and screaming children and chores and short tempers and errands and laundry?

The monotony that seems to be stretching out into my future is weighing me down. I didn't realize how MUCH I was looking forward to venturing back to the work world until now, when that vista has totally slipped from my view.

Each day is blending into the next in a blur of kid-level activities and household maintenance. Probably this explains why I've got nothing to write about and no inspiration for future topics. Want to hear more about my laundry and how it never ends? Or I could spend some time detailing how much I hate to cook and struggle to have to prepare reasonable meals all week long. Maybe I could wax poetic on how tired I am and what a difficult time I'm having with the kids right now, would that fascinate you?

I know, I know, I'm just being whiny, I hear you all saying it (or at least I hear the voices in my head saying it). I need to be more proactive, discover new activities, create adventure, shake things up, create a more stimulating routine, etc, etc. The urge to go find a job, an anything kind of job, is sometimes overwhelming (mostly as the clock hits 4 P.M.). But then I get wacked with a big lead pipe of "how will you pay for daycare for the kids? How are you going to work once the baby comes? Who's going to take care of the home-side of your lives? Like anyone would hire a pregnant chick anyway. And admit it, even as drab as it all feels, you'd hate to put your 6-week-old in daycare."

So for now, this is, I guess, all there is. I'm sure with summer sunshine I'll find more things to do all day, but the constant blurry repetition of each day, each child's request, each task, chore and more...

Other women are single moms, working moms with kids at home, moms with deployed husbands and moms with no income. The world is a much harder place for some, a thought that lectures me all day long. I know that, believe me. Even sitting here in my gray area, I know my monotony is much easier than many, many people's lives.

But nevertheless, it weighs on me.


Alison said...

If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. Isn't that how it goes?

My little swim team job really did the trick when I was feeling like this.

Maybe you need a job, ANY job!? Barnes and Noble or something... If it's not a net loss (financially,) then maybe it's a net positive (emotionally.)

Lea said...

I know you were anxious to venture out into the work force, and being a SAHM certainly has its days of being driven crazy for sure and feeling like every day is the same.

But I do have to say that I find any kind of set routine gets boring anyway, whether you work or not. Sometimes going to the same job day after day can be monotonous and suffocating as well (although I know some people really love their jobs).

I do hope that these next few years go by quickly and fairly peacefully for you until you can mix it up and start focusing on Megan! :)