January 04, 2010

New Year

It's funny, but you'd think what with all the excitement going on, I'd have a lot more to say. Somehow, though, it seems the exact opposite is in effect. I'm much more interested in what everyone ELSE has going on. For instance:

My friend just had her baby a couple weeks ago, gorgeous little girl. Then right on top of that, her husband was deployed, leaving her with her older two kids and newborn. It feels so sad and mixed up and unfair and yet she's doing ok. (I think she's doing ok... once again, not on top of my communication skills. Are you doing ok?)

Another friend will be moving away later on this year, an exciting change for them and a bummer all around, too. The prospect of a move is ALWAYS fascinating, full of potential for all the new things, places and people coming on. But having to leave sucks. Is it worse to leave or to be left? I've never been able to decide.

Yet another friend will be giving birth any day now to HER suprise third child. Her experience along this shocker has been a road map for me. Just a shout-out to say, "Thanks!" for listening to all my cuss words. I'm not terribly inventive in my curses, but I can use the same word over and over and over again to great effect.

Two more women in my life are expecting their second babies come March with bellies blossomed full enough that the weight of it begins to pull them down.

Babies, everywhere. It's not just me.

But this weekend I stretched out on the couch and looked down at my swollen too-much-lunch looking stomach with disgust. "Look at that! Just LOOK at that! Ugh," I groaned at Kurt.

"So? You're pregnant. That's what happens," he shot back in a matter of fact voice.

I literally flinched when the P-word left his lips. Don't know why, it's not like it's a surprise to me. I think it's the way he said it, the calm acceptance and tone of "what did you expect?".

He's there now, right smack in the middle of his happy medium and I... am not. All done with the first trimester, the first hurdle, and I'm still pissed off. I'm tired and short-tempered with the girls and tired and short-tempered with Kurt and most of all tired and short-tempered with myself.

There's lots of other interesting things going on around me and one extra addition to an already happy family doesn't seem like that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. My attitude right now certainly doesn't do me any credit and is totally unfair to this little kid-to-be.

New Year, new you, right? I'm waiting for that reboot and refresh magic to hit me with all it's glory and potential. It's sort of like anticipating a big move, I guess, only it's the world that's shifting, not me. Maybe that's what I need to work on, discovering some anticipation and interest in my own outcomes.

So. Hip hip hooray! Yay! Woohoo!

Fake it til you make it.


Alison said...

I have found that faking it till you make is frequently a good method in parenting!

Lea said...

Yippee! :)

Quiet Knitter said...

I'm doing okay :) thanks for the blog cameo and concern. I'm also faking it until I make it.