July 08, 2010

People are stupid and I have lost my filter

I rolled out of bed this morning, still pregnant. 39 weeks loooong. That's 273 days. (Actually it's possibly 38 weeks, 5 days, or 271 days, if you are my crazy ass midwife who changed my due date by two days randomly when I was about 6 months pregnant. Not that I'm bitter, not that the date isn't TOTALLY made up anyway, but still. At this point, two days is a big fuckin' difference when it comes to my mental state. We'll see who's more accurate in the end. I'm just saying.)

The girls jumped into the fray around 6:30 A.M., squealing in excitement for their preschool field trips today. Kurt, God bless him, rolled over away from us to give them more room to tackle me. Sweetie pie.

Did I mention the "still pregnant" part? Just checking. It's sort of the first thought of every day. Actually it's more of a despairing, "Still fucking pregnant, nononoNO". (Sorry for the f-bomb left and right. It's where I'm at.)

ANYWAY. Up we get, I comb my hair, put in my contacts, pull on the last few comfortable clothes left to me and otherwise completely ignore my appearance. Oops. Why oops? Because I will have to pay. Because there's always SOMEONE with SOMETHING stupid to say.

This time, too, this lady had no excuse. Another mom at the girls' preschool, who herself had a baby three months ago, waylaid me as I tried to drop-off Silvia and run for it. My kiddos always do best with a quick hug, kiss and departure. But this lady...

"Oh my gosh, you're still here?! WOW! You look SO uncomfortable. I bet you're not sleeping, right? You've got the biggest dark circles under your eyes, you poor thing! What are you at now, 39 weeks or so? Ugh. I was so lucky, I went at just before 38 weeks, the nicest short labor, but I bet this is just miserable for YOU. You just look terrible, poor woman! But it's so great that you're carrying all in front, I just HATE women like you, staying thin the whole time with just that basketball belly. God, I just HATE you, hahaha!".

Oh good! We're even, then! I really fucking hate you, too! Let's have a coffee and I will make you a list! You look like a clown, what is with that blue eye shadow? That outfit? Something my 5-year-old would pick out. Oh, and your nice short, 38 week labor? FUCK YOU.

Yes. The F word filling every nook of my brain in a Christian preschool. Because that's where I'm at, people. So thanks, crazy bitch lady from school. I'm glad to see your sensitivity to the whole pregnant experience dropped off a lot quicker than that baby weight. And yes, I just made a rude comment about someone's weight, I know. Low blow.

But she said I had circles, big dark circles. So I'm okay with calling her fat. So there.

I'm so glad I brushed my hair!


grandmem said...

poor sweet baby! (big hug)

note that i am mortally afraid to make any other comment.

alison said...

I so feel you! I got comments for MONTHS about looking "ready to pop" etc. I resorted to "that's not nice" and people still didn't get it. I literally walked out of a Walgreens muttering about how I hope those "bi@#$s" have twins due in August someday!!!!

Total aside - the word verification is asking me to type something really close to "breathe". So appropriate!

Lisa said...

Well, you took the higher ground this round, next time wait for her to cross the parking lot then gun it! KIDDING... or am I? Let's meet up for happy hour, and we can wash our sins away together.

(P.S. I'm not sure what it is about that church, but I swear a lot there... more than normal, and I have a Sailor's vocab anyway. Meh, oh well. You can park next to me in Hell. I have a reserved spot up front ;) ha-ha)

mosaica said...

I'm telling you sister, let it loose! Swear with abandon! Strike back at these people who are obviously challenged in just about every way imaginable! At the very worst, you'll pick up your pace a wee bit at preschool pickup and drop off. At the very best, you'll get so riled up you'll throw yourself into labor! Nothing to lose, everything to gain... ;)

Hang in there mama...

Anonymous said...

hang in there girl, you're almost done!