August 13, 2010

New perfume line! Get yours now!

I'm starting a new line of (non) celebrity perfume. I'm hoping I can get a picture on the advertisement like the one for Halle Berry's new line. (Just add in some spit stains, more tangles in her hair and a slightly doughier figure...)
My fragrance will have a base of soured milk with delicate notes of infant poop. I'll round it out with a subtle finale of unwashed body odor. I'm predicting a BIG reception from the public (i.e. everyone covering their noses and running in the opposite direction).
The only audience I think won't have a reaction? Moms with small babies. They won't notice the perfume at all. And why pay for what you already have for free?

The baby's here... but I've lost my mind

When I was about 38 weeks pregnant, I met a woman at a playdate with three children all under the age of five. The youngest was a baby in stroller, about 6 months old. I sat there at the picnic benches and watched out of two sides of my head as the girls ran off to play in opposite directions. With a hopeful note I asked her, “So, three kids! What do you think? Everyone keeps telling me it’s not so hard.”

She looked at me with kindness, smiled gently down at her sleeping baby and said, “No, it’s not easy. The third one nearly broke me.”

Everyone else around us gasped and started equivocating about how it’s not going to be so bad and she shouldn’t say something like that to me, but honestly, I was relieved. I wanted THE TRUTH, not platitudes and lies.