March 28, 2011

Beautiful Paranoia

God, I love this. Seriously, the self-deprecating clarity of it all is just so FUNNY. And don't pretend you haven't, at some low and dark moment, given in to a few bouts of egocentric paranoia... because if you haven't? I probably don't want to know you. Just sayin'. I love me some flaws, especially when they mirror my own.

(But just remember... it's not paranoia if they really ARE all out to get you.)

We Who Are Your Closest Friends
By Phillip Lopate

We who are
your closest friends
feel the time
has come to tell you
that every Thursday
we have been meeting,
as a group,
to devise ways
to keep you
in perpetual uncertainty
discontent and
by neither loving you
as much as you want
nor cutting you adrift.
Your analyst is
in on it,
plus your boyfriend
and your ex-husband;
and we have pledged
to disappoint you
as long as you need us.
In announcing our
we realize we have
placed in your hands
a possible antidote
against uncertainty
indeed against ourselves.
But since our Thursday nights
have brought us
to a community
of purpose
rare in itself
with you as
the natural center,
we feel hopeful you
will continue to make unreasonable
demands for affection
if not as a consequence
of your disastrous personality
then for the good of the collective.


Lisa said...

Ha-ha :)

grandmem said...

i know that you THOUGHT i was going to Scrabble club on Thursday night all these years, but i guess the secret is out.