November 28, 2011

Nano week 3+, reality sets in

Alright already.

There are two days left to November and I am sitting trapped at just over 30,000 words. I'd like to say that, in case you're laughing in derision, 30,000 words is A LOT. It's not nuttin', but it's not 50,000. The likelihood that I'll squeeze out 20,000 more words in the next two days is about on par with Americans boycotting Black Friday next year. Not gonna happen.

However, I have not given up and don't feel too terribly bad about it. Oh yeah, of course I'm not thrilled. Sure! But I did my best, I worked around major obstacles like birthdays, Thanksgiving, illness and a suddenly VERY unhappy baby this month. (It's like he knows. I still firmly contend that the little buggers are psychic and very wily.)

So with all that, I think I did pretty damn good. And like I said, I have not given up. There are still two days left and I will do my best to get as far as I can. And then come December 1st I will fight the strong urge to delete the entire file, instead setting it under password lock and throwing away the proverbial key.

More than anything, especially considering the atrociousness of the story and my frequent interjections to berate myself and get all sarcastic mid-script, this has been an exercise in discipline. I find it very hard to do anything besides taking care of my kids, my family, my house and my sanity. I know there are women more organized, more efficient, more proactive and definitely taller and skinnier (look at Heidi Klum! The woman has it together! Oh, for a full-time team of nannies...).

That's not me. I'm haphazard, I swing between bouts of totally awesome got-it-togetherness and complete I-will-never-survive-this-and-I-think-I'll-start-drinkingness. So this experiment, regardless of meeting that lofty goal, showed me that even amidst the second craziest month o' the year I could carve out time to make a bunch of shit up that had absolutely nothing to do with anything in my peripheral vision. Go me!

Despite embracing the silver lining, though, I am disappointed. I'd say I could just not sleep for the next two days and try to make it happen, but I don't get to sleep anyway right now with Jack having his series of what we call "Jack Attacks". Very original, I know, yet very accurate. So those hours between midnight and 4 A.M. are already spoken for-- quite loudly.

As my one little super whiny complaint, I'd like to recommend to the NaNoWriMo folks to please change it to NaSeptWriMo or maybe NaMayWriMo. November is just stupid.

How far did everyone else get? Will you live to write another year?

November 17, 2011

NaNo week 2, in which I give up entirely several times a day

Hot damn. This whole thing ain't so easy, who knew? I'm sittin' not so pretty at about 15,000 words and staring down the next 35,000 with major trepidation. I should be about halfway by now. Clearly, I am not.

Part of the problem is that, as yet, I am not even sure what the story is. To be completely honest, I think I am writing two stories, both alike in indignity. But mostly it's fading into just one so give it another 10,000 words or so and I may have a plot. Maybe.

The other part of the problem is just the triple threat of time, exhaustion and (triple within a triple) kids. I am TIRED. Anna's having some sort of emotional issues right now that we're trying very hard to be patient with but when you have to put your kid to bed every night while they have a sobbing meltdown, it can wear on the most sympathetic of nerves. Jack has been sick, not eating and generally barfing and miserable (though he's better now. Anemia, who knew?). Silvia just finished her second round on antibiotics for the same ear infection we can't seem to beat. She told me today that, "my ear itches where I can't reach, Mommy!!".

AWESOME.

Chores, laundry, food, etc... whatever. Kurt has grown accustomed to the chaos and we all just make a point of wearing shoes in the house now to keep the mess on the floors from sticking to our feet. Instead of putting dishes away, we just take the clean stuff out as needed from the machine and then fill it back up when we run out of spoons. Who needs cabinets, anyway?

Excuses aside though, I will admit to a certain level of goal avoidance. I am not ENJOYING the ride at the moment. I haven't gotten to that adrenaline-packed moment where everything comes together in a bright shining beacon of understanding and I push through the crap to say the things I need to say that I didn't know I knew how to say. Apparently this revelation is supposed to hit towards the end of week three. Fingers crossed!

For now, I'm just going to buckle down and hit the keys. Very, very hard. Maybe I'll luck out and break the keyboard.

November 08, 2011

One week in, one week WEAK

Oi VEY. I tell you what! So far November is not feeling so much like a friend to me.

Last week was a whirlwind of crazy with the kids sick on and off, Anna's birthday and Kurt out of town for a few days. While for the most part that's all standard operating procedure, I had kind of a hard time this year with Anna's birthday. It definitely took a toll on my motivation, not to mention my happiness factor.

Every year for many years we get together with our good friends Tryg and Charlotte Bundgaard (Trystan Photography), Jessica, their kids and my family. This year felt wrong, empty, and more than a little depressing. Anna's seven now and we spent her birthday night out at Red Robin, just me and the kids. I know she loved it (they sang to her, which she both liked and didn't because they didn't really sing loud enough), but being there without the company of friends... it was hard.

Still, she had a great birthday, has an actual party with her school friends coming up over the weekend and in general turned seven with a big ol' happy grin on her face. Me, not so much. But it is what it is, so I best be movin' on. *sniffle*

Nanowrimo is coming along, with an EXCEPTIONALLY shitty first draft if I do say so myself. I mean, in terms of awful writing, I'm top of the class. It's funny that instead of reveling in a feeling of freedom without the pressure to write anything worthwhile, I just feel grossed out by myself. It's hard to sit and type when every word from my fingertips is just ridiculously awful.

But I think I'm getting the hang of it. I even, just a few minutes ago, had a brief laugh out loud moment when I wrote a paragraph long sentence full of mixed metaphors, double negatives and seriously convoluted dialogue. So maybe by next week the full joy of the shittiness of it all will descend on me. I mean, where else in my life can I fully enjoy successful mediocrity? (Aside from laundry, which I've given up on ever accomplishing without several days from dryer to dresser. If that.)

Oh, look! My bad writing extravaganza has spread to my blog! WOOT! Now that is what I call skill-building.

How're my other Nano-ers pulling through? Have you cried yet today? I have! I think that means I'm doing something right.